Friday, December 29, 2006

Flashbacks from England; Ascribo's Dissociation

It was a narrow path that runs between the Pitts River Museum and New Marston Neighborhood of Oxford, England. I can still see the blue sign indicating that this is a cyclist/foot path. I observe people smiling back at me as they stroll along the leafy trail. Horses in farms on the right, the gleams of sunset colouring the horizon with golden red, a boy with a fishing rod on the left. Soft breeze is blowing; water-flow under the small bridge is making a soft, pleasant bubbling sound, and creating, with occasional songs of birds, a romantic scene.

Not after a long time, I find myself sitting in a train, staring at a panoramic view of Oxford, and thinking about my past two months, and my next station. Against me a young boy is playing cards with his father, his Mom is reading The Times.

Shortly, the scene changes. I'm staying in a Victorian guesthouse, then I'm standing confused (again!) in a large supermarket. Rain washes it away, to find myself sitting in a garden by the lake. Then the lake becomes a ship canal, and I'm standing at the top of a high tower. It's just like a mixed-up filmstrip...

Finally I’m sitting in a waiting hall at an Airport terminal. A Virgin Atlantic Jumbo is preparing to take off, and I’m solving Sudoku in today's copy of The Independent. After a while, as I'm taking a final glance at the beautiful green piece of land that surrounds Manchester Airport, I think I should have stayed more in this pleasant land. Eventually I fall asleep.

Next morning, I wake up on a different combination of sounds that comprises the most irritating melody I've heard in my life. If a picture equals a hundred words, then a video is worth a thousand pictures. You'd better take a look at what I saw from my room's window:

What a cruel, abrupt transition! In less than 24 hours my deadly calm room that looks upon Lyme valley turns into what you've just watched. From now on, this would be the morning annoying alarm. No more green horizons. I think of that Airlines agent asking: "Are you sure you want to fly on Thursday?” Then I dismiss all those memories to where they belong: the PAST, in an attempt to get back to the awful reality.

But now, after I somehow got over the so-called: reverse cultural shock, I'm starting to have flashbacks of those memories. I never expected that I'll see it all again so vividly, and to the smallest detail. But here it is, I start to feel my personality dissociating.

Finally Ascribo tells me he wants to get back to England. He insists he never wanted to leave it in the first place. Now he wants to stay in that "PAST", writing about what he's seen and learnt. I have no choice, for now, he is the one who thinks and dictates; I only write what he says.
We'll call it: "Lessons from London". I think it's interesting that although he's spent just few days there, but he got most of what he's learnt in England from that old city, the heart of civilized world, More or Less.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

A Late answer to an Old tag!

Things haven't been going the way I like, or the way I imagined. I feel I'm busy more than my daily schedule can explain, and I feel there's no room for thinking! I haven't posted or even logged in my account for nearly two weeks, and the connection problems have only contributed to this. I feel that I'm growing so impatient that I can't wait for a page to load (1 minute for an average page is too much, isn't it?) or even that I can't write my thoughts down. I hope this will be only a temporary change, but I can't promise that. For all those who takes the trouble and time to check my blog (and I highly appreciate it), I can only beg you to check my blog every other week i.e. every fortnight. I'm NOT quitting!

For this post, and although I have a plenty of my thoughts that's nearly prepared for posting, I'm choosing to reply to an old tag by Karin. I hope that would encourage me to get back to expressing myself as it should be.

1) Was there any incident in your life which you feel, influenced you in particular?

When I was a 2nd year student, I changed my place of residence and moved to a new place due to some circumstances. I had to unvoluntarily break up with my roomate because it was the only choice available. I have to admit that so far this is the acute incident that changed me the most. Otherwise, I've experienced a progressive, gradual but big change. My early introduction to serious reading had its own impact on me, and many single books have caused a great deal of change in who I am. But the biggest change ever, albeit a slow change, was the result of my coming to University. I'm surprised that I can notice my change on a yearly basis, and my elective experience was only a part of that long chain.

2) What are you afraid of? Please name at least ONE example!

It's not difficult to find something that we're all afraid of. If I had to put it in one word I'd say it is: CHANGE! We all try to maintain our state of homeostasis and equillibrium and avoid any, even necessary, change. Change of place, of food, and of job are simple examples. Wider meanings include Loss of beloved, and Aging.

3) Is there any nature-event, you particularly like (i.e. thunderstorm, rain, snow ect.)?

I have always thought that natural environment has a great impact on people's personality. I have enjoyed comparing people from different environments and explain, to myself, why it's very difficult for people "from Sea" cannot get along well with people from "the inside" or from Mountains. It is simply nature. As being a Tartoussi, I can say that Sea can affect me greatly when it's wild and stormy. The way it calms down afterwards is specillay touching, and the relatively fast sequence of events, from wilderness to calmness, is amazing.

4) What kind of sport (if any) are you fond of or even actively pursue?

I am not an avid sport fan per se. During the early years of my youth, I've engaged myself so heavily in BodyBuilding. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not narcissistic, and I don't look like a monster right now, and I don't intend to be in the future. I have only changed my skinny appearance through sport into an "average" guy. The mental part of the sport, and I know most of you will disagree, has affected me so much. The hard work, patience, determination, persistence, and egoism of the sport are really unique.
In spite of being lazy most of the time, the activity that I'll enjoy most, apart from eating-out, is to go jogging alone for some 3-5 Kilometers, or to go swimming with a small group of fit friends!

5) Do you easily get nervous or upset? "Blow up"?

It's not easy at all to make me angry, although I get upset quite often. But once I'm angry, it will take some effort to calm me down. People will need to commit a very big mistake with me to make me go crazy. I don't usually take it personally, but the apathy, indifference, and lack of mutual and self-respect in some people is unbearable.

6) Do you dread getting older? Feel the biological clock ticking?

It might be early to do so, But I fear the aging too much. I feel that time is going against me, I'm always trapped between the clock pointers, and it's me who is the loser. If I had one wish that will come true, it will be that time would stop for some 10-15 years, or even more, until I can do what I want to do while young before going on with life. But you know, no one can help it. I can only be anxious about time passing, let me just wait and see!

7) Are you more a city-person or prefere the country-side?

That's a confusing question! Who would refuse the deadly calm pleasant coutryside? Or who would bear the slowness of life in countryside? I think we'll always keep complaining about both. Therefore, frequent change is necessary. But If you want my word, don't you ever think of spending your holiday days in a big city!

8) Do you allow any kind of fashion to rule over your taste?

Well, I wouldn't say that I allow it. It goes against me! I'm not I'm not an overly voguish guy. I wish we could simply ignore our (acceptable) appearance and start caring for the more important stuff. I really think that people who critisize each other for their "style choice" are superficial.

9) Are you more on the introverted or extroverted side?

I don't know if I've understood this right. I cannot draw a cut-off point precisely, for I think that I cannot apply one of them to me. When it comes to my inner feelings, I'm totally self-confident. I like spending, say, half of my time with others. But on the other hand, I feel obliged to spend some of my time on my own. That's not only from time to time, because I get really annoyed when I'm not let alone on a daily basis. A friend of mine has said that I'm wrapped with barbed-wires, and that I don't let anyone into my world that easily. That is true, but I add that when I trust someone, I profoundly do so. To summarize it, I'd say that I'm a guy with his own world and rules, who enjoys spending half of his time with others and cannot but do that, and who wants to be the only one making decisions for himself.

10) If you'd have to characterize yourself with one sentence - what would you say?

I don't feel that I have an answer to this question. You'll have to excuse me.
But if you'd do me a favour, do you think, fellow readers, you can draw a conclusion from all what I said and describe me in one sentence? I would be grateful.